GUATEVER.

I saw the title of this blog on a t-shirt and if it hadn´t been red i would have been all over that.

I just killed an ENORMOUS spider. I feel a little bit sad that I squashed it so badly that I couldn’t even capture its enormity on my camera but it had to be done- there was no time for negotiations with this spider as it’s proximity to my bed was a deal-breaker.

I went to a Baile (dance) this weekend in one of the neighboring aldeas (towns). The festival was kind of nuts; from a US point of view it was a mix between Halloween, Disneyland, and a gay pride parade… although I’m not sure that was necessarily the goal. Children wearing masks and running about, people dressed up as sponge-bob square-pants, and men in heels- Guatemalan men are crazy! I wish I got a photo of all of the men dressed up in drag but I didn’t know how to politely ask. I did capture a few of the Disneyland -esque scenes; people were in cartoon character costumes dancing together in the street. It was awesome. One of the disadvantages to being a white person in Guatemala is that there is no way not to stand out. It makes it really difficult to do anything under the radar- like nod your head with the music at a baile… at one point in the festival I made this mistake my friends and I and were grabbed into the circle of scantily clad “women” (read: men in drag) dancing while everyone else stands watching; horrifying but a good time none the less. I found out that there was actually a contest going on over who had the best costume and who was the best dancer among those in the circle; there were Q. 400 (Quetzales) at stake. I really hope the guy in the pink ball gown won…he was dancing his butt off spinning around a pink parasol and sporting a floppy sunhat; glamorous.

I also went to a Finca (plantation) for coffee last week and am now determined to make my own roast from my own coffee tree. Basically the steps are as follows: (1) you have a coffee tree and it grows some berries; (2) pick the berries when they’re red; (3) break open berries and harvest seeds inside; (4) dry seeds in the sun for several days; (5) shell the seeds, e.g. harvest the coffee beans from inside seed; (6) toast the beans; (7) enjoy awesome coffee. Ok…so there’s a few more steps than that but those are the main ideas. So all I need to start this adventure is a coffee tree! There is the minor problem of the plant taking about 5 years to mature to the point where it makes berries…but I feel like I can figure out a way around starting from scratch… like being really nice to someone who has a 5-year-old coffee tree. Game on.

If you want to be popular when you come to Guatemala you may want these things; (1) Fireworks- people go NUTS for fireworks around here; I’ll explain more later. (2) Any type of ball and dog treats- if you want children/animals to like you/ not eat your face and (3) the willingness to say, “Buenos Dias/tardes/noches” to every person you see.

Things you might want to stay sane in Guatemala: (1) earplugs- it‘s noisy here, I’m telling you they LOVE fireworks, (2) a Spanish-English dictionary and (3) the ability to laugh at yourself…can’t even begin to stress the importance of this.

Things I would like right now:

-Another book to read; have recently finished Barbara Kingsolver’s, Prodigal Summer and Bridget Jones’ Diary by Helen Fielding.

-A book on how to cite documents…as am unsure I did so accurately above…ugghhh

-A new CD mix of music to listen to

-A freaking taco or tostada
-A good cup of coffee/dark beer simultaneously.

Would also love to get some mail from friends/family- must look up my address to guilt you all into it properly…

Those of you that know me well know that I can sleep through anything- lights on, music blaring, parties, class, while in the middle of eating a burrito… you know; there’s very little that comes between me and sleep. That being said, my sleep has only been slightly disrupted and I share these stories for enjoyment and vicarious-living purposes only-

About the noise:

-if you’re lucky enough to live close to a highway (like I do) you get all of the benefits of Camioneta (chicken bus) noise pollution; a thrilling orchestra of honks, tires on gravel, and the room trembling as they go by.

-Until I moved here I was under the misapprehension that roosters crow at dawn, this is just simply not true. Gallos (Roosters) will crow all day everyday and all through the night. This makes sleeping continuously through the night difficult and has dispelled any sort of farm fantasy I had about waking up to the rooster crowing at dawn. What’s for dinner? ROOSTER. That’s all I’m saying…

-For the love of fireworks! Fireworks are huge here- they are a must to celebrate every occasion, especially birthdays. What people like to do on the morning of someone’s birthday (by morning of course I mean 3-5AM) is light off fireworks on the person’s doorstep to wake them up (or give them a heart-attack; whichever). So while you’re lying in your bed enjoying another 3 hours of consecutive sleep-hours (in-between rooster crows) you awake to the sound of gunshots thinking the civil war has broken out on your doorstep but don’t worry- it’s just someone’s birthday. While at first I was opposed to this as a means to celebrate someone’s birth I am now leaning towards pirating this tactic and implementing it for rousing the birthday girl/boy back in the states; friends this is your only warning- I’m really looking forward to your birthdays.

Things I might have:
-bedbugs or fleas…

I have a series of bites that have emerged of late. This does not please me. I shouldn’t have given the dog treats, please revise list above of things you might want accordingly. Haha.

-a growing dependence on sugar as a major food group.

People like sugar here almost as much as they like fireworks…its started a vicious love/hate relationship that starts with me not wanting any sugar, drinking some coffee (read: sugar water) and then subsequently craving more sugar for the rest of the day; must find way to stop this.

-Mental problems/ADD.

I just read through this post.

More stories to come I’m sure. Until then - I’d love to know what’s new in your lives! And maybe some tips on how to get rid of potential bedbugs from a down sleeping bag (sorry Rob, thanks for lending it to me…)

XOXO!